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It had happened to many of my friends and acquaintances. I'd hear that they had miscarried,
and I would think, "Oh, how sad," and maybe feel a little bad for them, I might say a prayer or two for them
and than go on with my life. I never thought it would happen to me, because with my daughter, I had
no trouble conceiving, and had a wonderful pregnancy-no morning sickness, no aches and pains, nothing out of
the ordinary at the birth.
But it did happen, and when it did, it was so much worse than I'd ever imagined. I lost my son
at 13 weeks of pregnancy because of a placental abruption. I won't go into details, because they
aren't important. What I found out was that you experience grief over this child you maybe never saw,
but carried and cherished from the moment you learned of his existence. I couldn't believe the
mourning my husband and I went through when we lost our baby. And I couldn't understand why God took
my child.
ANGER -- One of my first reactions was, "Why me, God? I'm a good mother, I'm one of Your
children, I don't drink or smoke or do drugs. . ." and so on. I tried in my mind to explain to God why
I deserved to have my baby. I thought about all the broken families, or drug babies or abused or
neglected children and wondered why those parents could have several children, but I could have just one.
I prayed constantly about my anger. And then I turned to the Bible.
I read the book of Job. Several verses stood out. In
Chapter 1, Job lost his entire family, and all
his holdings. And yet Job still praised God. Job 1:22 says, "In all of this, Job did not sin by
blaming God." In Chapter 2, Job's health
is taken away. And yet he says in verse 10, ". . .Should we accept only good things from the hand of
God and never anything bad?" Turning to God's work helped me resolve my anger. After reading
Job's story, I believed that although bad things had happened, God still loved me.
SUPPORT FROM CHRISTIAN FRIENDS -- During the entire two-week ordeal of bedrest and doctor's
visits before my miscarriage, I was overwhelmed by the response from the people in my Christian family.
I got phone calls, cards, flowers, home-cooked dinners and visits, many of which came from people I didn't
even know well. I also found out that many of them had experienced the loss of a baby.
Their compassion also helped me heal and make me a more compassionate person. Never again will
I hear, "Oh, she lost her baby," without feeling overwhelmed by the sorrow I know they feel. I pray
I can help them like my Christian family helped me.
Romans 12:15 says, "rejoice with those
that rejoice, and weep with those that weep." My Christian family wept with me, and it helped heal
me.
In His Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."
(Matthew 5:4) He will help us be
comforted, and He also provides us with a Christian family to help comfort us.
WHY? This question is often asked when, as Christians, we demand to know why we must
suffer. Many verses from the Bible come to my mind as I look at his question. I believe we do
not, as God's creations, have the right to ask God why. He is all-knowing and all-powerful and He
loves us and will do what is best for us. In his letter to the Romans, the Apostle Paul writes,
". . .Who are you, a mere human being, to criticize God? Should the thing that was created say to the
one who made it, "Why have you made me like this?"
(Romans 9:30). In
Romans 8:38-39, Paul says, "For I am sure
that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor
powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love
of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Notice it says death can not separate us from His love, and I
believe that includes the death of those we love.
The Apostle Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians about his suffering. He did not give us the details,
but referred to the "thorn in his side." He begged God to remove it. But God said in
2 Corinthians 12:9, "My grace is
sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Did God fail to answer Paul's prayer?
No, He answered the prayer according to His purpose, not according to Paul's purpose. I know
when I was experiencing the problems in my pregnancy, I prayed fervently that my child would live. God
heard my prayer, but answered in His way. I may never know why I couldn't have that child, but God's
grace is sufficient for me.
IS MY CHILD IN HEAVEN? Of course, my heart shouts, "Yes!" for that is the only comfort I
can derive from his loss. But what do the scriptures say?
I read 2 Samuel Chapter 12.
The child David and Bathsheba had out of adultery became sick. David prayed, and wouldn't eat or sleep.
But when told of the child's death, David cleaned himself up, ate and went to the Tabernacle to
worship God. When asked why he no longer mourned the baby, David answered in verse 23, ". . .I will go
to him one day, but he cannot return to me." I believe David is referring to the time when he would
enter heaven and be with his son.
Some might argue that this may be true for a baby that had lived on this earth and then died, but what
about a child that was never born? In
Luke 1:39-45, Mary, pregnant with Jesus
Christ, went to visit Elizabeth, who was pregnant with John the Baptist. In verse 41, it says, "And
when Elizabeth heard the greeting of Mary, the babe leaped in her womb; and Elizabeth was filled with the
Holy Spirit." John the Baptist, an unborn baby, recognized the presence of his unborn Savior and
responded "with joy." (verse 44). God recognizes the unborn as humans possessing souls.
I hope those of you who have lost a baby may take comfort in knowing that your child is in heaven and
won't ever have to suffer the evils we endure here on earth. One day, Christian mothers will be
joyfully reunited with their children who were never born. Keep trusting that God loves you, will
comfort you and knows what is best for you. Don't turn you back on Him. He hasn't turned his
back on you.
Other suggested reading: The Best Day of My Life |
