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My husband Steve and I were on one of our "reckless"
adventures that day in 1989, driving with cases of beer and our dogs to "party" in Telluride over
Labor Day weekend. In the middle of nowhere, a distraught man appeared on the dusty mountain
road, flagged us down, and explained that his parents, who were missionaries, had missed a turn and
had driven over the 600 foot cliff next to us.
The accident was horrific. We helped where we could. But, incredibly, there was a
peace and calm surrounding the whole scenario. Even though the circumstances were terrible,
there was something there…a wonderful presence was somehow on the side of that mountain.
It was irresistible, like liquid love … pure oxygen to a weary, lost soul, maybe even my soul.
It didn't make sense.
I watched the man whose parents had died. I approached him and commented about the strength
I saw in him. He explained that what I was experiencing was the love, peace, and security of a
relationship with God through Jesus Christ and the confidence of eternal life through Him.
He asked me if I knew Jesus, and I answered, "Not like you do." But I wanted what he
had and the peace that was on this mountain. He explained to me the gospel message right then,
in the midst of his loss, and I turned my life over to Christ's lordship on the spot. Then it
hit me, this God whom I had stood against, over and over, was reaching out to ME again that night in
the face of human tragedy, and offering me an irresistible relationship with Him. He was
offering me that unconditional love I needed so deeply. I said, "Yes, yes, yes!"
Within days I found out that I was pregnant! I was filled with incredible joy. But
within weeks, bleeding, I collapsed in a doctor's office. I didn't understand what had happened,
but somehow I was convinced that this new God I had met would take care of it! But no, I lost
the baby. That was one.
I reflected and trusted that surely this God I had just met would carry me forward from here.
In fact, He did! Soon I was pregnant again! What a great God!!!! Nope, lost this
one too. That was two.
Somehow, though, I still didn't lose confidence in this God. I truly didn't. This
had to be a relationship I could trust. I wasn't giving up on it. He was different!
Amazingly, soon, I was pregnant once again! Yes!!!!! Nope, lost that baby as well.
That was three.
Admittedly, I was beginning to wonder about this God. But then once again, I was pregnant!
Somehow, still believing in this newfound God, I just knew it would work out this time. Soon I
started bleeding again, and was hospitalized and confined to bed for nearly 5 months, but I still
believed that this God would never let me down again. I never lost my hope or confidence.
I clung tightly to what I wanted more than anything in this world. He wouldn't make me go
through so much pain again?. He wouldn't make Steve and I cry as hard as we had cried with all
the others. I was doing everything in MY POWER to make this work. I stayed in that bed.
And it did! My beautiful son Geoffrey Michael was born at 3:30 early one morning.
I'll never forget the musical sound of the doctor saying, "It's a boy!"
Then 3 weeks later Geoffrey died. And so did I. . .inside.
Forget relationships, people couldn't be trusted for sure. That was already solidified in
my heart. I despaired of life. It seemed that this God who could have saved my little
boy, was of no value to me either.
Fast forward to today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT TOOK TIME, BUT GOD BROKE THROUGH.
The very God, who created the universe, drew me back to Himself with His unfailing love, deeply
into the truths of His character. As I began to learn of Him, He became a real and active part
of my daily experiences.
I learned that "for Christ's sake, I now can delight in weaknesses, in insults, in
hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
I learned that His thoughts are high above how I think.
(-- Isaiah 55:8) His love is
different and cannot be taken away. His love is everlasting.
(-- Jeremiah 31:3)
Through the death of my son, I learned how deep is God's love for us. So much so
that, as I had lost my only son NOT by MY choice, He did choose to send His only Son to be despised,
ridiculed and to die for me, long before I even cared that He existed. That is pain. More
importantly, that is sacrificial, unconditional love.
The "best day of my life" was the day that the God of the universe reached out
for my broken and desperate heart and I reached back with both hands. All the way! I
leaned on Him and He carried me like no other. He's my best friend. He never sleeps so
He's always there when I call. He is wiser than any other. He is always glad to hear
from me and gives me the honor of equipping me to make a difference for Him and His eternal kingdom.
He takes such good care of me as He leads me through my days.
He is trustworthy. He is the One who holds me when I weep, restores me when I tire, infuses
me to serve, and longs for me to lie at His feet and learn more about Him as He quiets me with His
love. I am at rest as He rejoices over me with His singing!
-- Lisa Berniklau
Suggested reading: Healing After a Miscarriage |
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